Gives You Hell

"This song makes me want to skip and trample on someone's dreams."

Dudnt

"I like how she dudn't...dudn't? Doesn't."

Dora & Friends

In reaction to the intro sequence:

 "Who the f*ck is Pablo?!"

Schitz?

Have you seen the shits on TV?

The Schitz?

The shits.

The Schitz?

Yeah, shits?

Schitz?

What?

The Bra

Roommate from her bathroom: "TAKE IT OFF!!!"

First Impressions

*whispers*

Mark's face is sinking into itself

Finding Things

"I feel like you always find things in either your crotch or your boobs"

"I know, right?! There's so much space!"

45 Page Views Last Month

Response: "At least that means one person was looking at it every day."

For those who are confused #of days in a month ≠ 45

Canadian

"They don't look Canadian. Is that racist?"

-In response to a Canadian band's music video.

Three Way Call

Wait...Oh sh*t, it costs money?!

*hangs up*

Drunk History

We promise to contact Drunk History in an attempt to continue the great tradition. From this point on, we shall get out the Crackers and continue...

"Why did you put the capital C?"

"Because we may or may not be talking about white people?"

Police

"Okay, so we were waiting at the stop light and then the Police-cop..."

*devolves into giggles and body shaking laughter*

*later interprets the meaning of the statement*

Old Women

"Do you know how much I don't care if an old woman cries?"

-In reaction to an episode of the Mindy Project

Why is there a Chinese temple on campus?

Because Asians.

Modes of Transportation

*talking about a motorcycle helmet*

The mocorcytle...

Hunger

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a square."

Asians

"Because...Asians?"

TUMS

"Holy crap, Chris. I have a shitload of TUMS!"

Great Friends

"If I were a lesbian...


Well, I wouldn't do you, but we would be great friends."

ENL

A: "Yeah, ESL isn't being used as much anymore. Most schools are starting to say ENL."

B: "ENL? What does that mean? English as a...Nother language?"

Visible Blog

Wait, people can see this?

I didn't realize people could see this.

Twenty-second

Today is the twenty-sssssssss...

Truth

"In vitro...veritas"

Backwards

"Stupid. The M is backwards."

Reverse Stripper

"I want to be a reverse stripper. I start with clothes on and then I put on more clothes. And we do the chicken dance"

It's Gone

*drops crumbs*

*reaches into shirt, fruitlessly*

"Welp, it's gone now."

Steel

"You'll get shot! "

"Don't worry. I've got breasts of steel!"

The Night

While driving through a cloud of steam emanating from a manhole in the road: *Batman voice a.k.a. smoker's voice* I AM THE NIGHT!

Gas Station

Leaving the gas station, I start singing: "I've got herpes in all the right places"

While looking for my phone: *in a southern accent* "Where is my vagina?"